Frequently Asked Questions

Why do you call yourself ďThe Fic BitchĒ?

Um... because I am? If youíd have read through the site a little more carefully, Iím sure that you would have noticed that Iím a tad... oh... opinionated. For a while I was going to call myself ďThe Lugubrious ReaderĒ for the sole sake that no one would KNOW what ďlugubriousĒ actually meant. I eventually decided against it and opted for the more menacing title.

Is The Fic Bitch really a bitch?

Yes and no. Iím pretty nice until you give me a reason not to be. Then I fry you. Iíll never bite first, but if you go after me, I will tear you into pieces.

What is the scale for bitching?

UhÖ you know. I never actually thought about that. I didnít know there was a scale. You either just are or you arenít.

Can the Fic Bitch really claim responsibility for the toppling of several wacky fanauthors?

The Fic Bitch can claim direct responsibility for the toppling of one wacky fanauthor. She can also claim that she caused several others to go back and edit their work. And every now and then, she starts talking about herself in the third person.

Who/What is PuD?

ĒPudĒ is short for ďPrincess DestinyĒ who is a wanky fanauthor that wrote the epic that will never end, ďSpin The BottleĒ. We tend to pick on her a bit around here if only because she constantly insists on making a public spectacle of herself. The nickname stemmed from one of Wreakerís MSTs.

Youíve trashed my fic and now Iím really hurt.

Honey, throughout this page, I trashed EVERYBODY, so donít think that I was singling you out. Seriously. I canít think of one person that is left unscathed. However, if for some reason you feel the need for revenge, I give you full permission to mock anything that you find on this page. Then email me and let me read it. Hell, Iíll probably post it, too. If people canít laugh at themselves, then whom CAN they laugh at?

Also, I feel the need to clarify a certain point. I am not trashing YOU. I am trashing your WORK. There is a difference.

Why did you create this site?

Consider it revenge for having put up with one bad fic too many. ^_^ Seriously, though, after reading one bad fic after another and hearing complaints from other authors who claimed that not enough readers gave them proper feedback telling them what NOT to do, I decided to start working on this site. (Yes, folks, good authors actually WANT negative feedback.) Furthermore, after giving a lot of negative feedback to a lot of clueless bad authors, I figured that the only way these people were going to get a clue would be to whap them upside the head with it. Consider this to be your virtual whap upside the head.

It took the form that it is in now after I stumbled across Hanako Presents... The List!. I really liked how she put her site together and I turned this into a Sailor Moon adaptation of it. Yes, I have permission.

What is the deal with the gay penguins?

Long story.

Many, many years ago, I was a college student. My first college roommate had this "inspirational" poster of two penguins snuggling on her part of the wall. One day, right after roomie #1 first hangs said poster, my best friend at the time walked into my dorm room and asked me, ďWhy the fuck is there a pair of gay penguins hanging on your wall?Ē

ĒTheyíre gay?Ē

ĒOf course theyíre gay! All penguins are gay! You can tell because of the purple background on the poster.Ē

For my second semester, I moved. New roomie. New roomie was a penguin fiend. They were everywhere. She gave me one for my birthday and everything.

Then summer session came. I was living on campus with my best friend at the time. The only dorm open over the summer was one of the more ghetto ones with all of these murals painted outside of every door. The mural on my door? Two penguins wearing short shorts and playing volleyball on the beach. They were both obviously male. (We can say this with certainty as neither penguin wore a bikini top.) And both, also obviously, were very much in love.

We pretty much decided that fate was conspiring against me and that I was being stalked by gay penguins. I made them my army. One day, we shall rule the world.

Iím still really hurt.

[*Sigh*] Listen, if you have enough gall to post your fic on public domain, you should be able to handle all of the criticism that goes with it. Welcome to the real world. Life is not going to be all sunshine and gumdrops. Get used to it. If you canít handle the comments of one bitch, then youíre going to have a very hard time once you move out of mommy and daddyís house.

I have comments/articles that I want to contribute. Can I?

By all means, please do. However, if Iím working on something similar, or your grammar is absolutely horrid, I reserve the right to not post it. But, Iíll send you a really nice email saying why I rejected it!

If I send you my fics will you critique and/or edit them?

No. It has nothing to do with you, but I don't really have the time. Please, stop sending me fics.

You suck! Iím gonna flame you now!

Good! If no one got completely pissed off at this site, then Iím not doing my job. However, all email you send me becomes the property of me and I reserve the right to post it in part or in full and add my own commentary as I see fit. Consider yourself warned. That having been said, keep the hate mail coming!

I noticed that a lot of the authors on your ďDoes Not SuckĒ list commit many of the sins on your ďYouíve Written a Bad FicĒ list.

Thatís because they pull it off! If a person knows what he/she is doing and is a good writer, he/she can get away with roughly 90% of whatís on that list. Unfortunately, many authors are NOT talented enough to successfully pull any of those items off. Iím not trying to discourage anyone from writing fic. Iím just alerting you to the problem areas of writing so that you can watch out for them and make your fic less sucky.

Youíre not a fanfic writer so why should I listen to you?

Youíre right! Iím NOT a fanfic writer! If, in your mind, that somehow makes what I have to say less valid, then no one is forcing you to listen to me.

How do you choose what gets in your "Fic that Does Not Suck" list?

I look at a variety of things such as originality, quality of story, and overall writing style. If the fic stands out in any of those qualities, I add it to the list.

No, really. How do you choose what makes the list? You SAY you prefer genfic, but you list all of this schmoop, too and it makes no sense.

Ah. I see what youíre asking. In a nutshell, there are tons of people in this fandom and everyone in this fandom wants and expects different things from it. I tend to prefer it to be extra cracky and/or strongly plot driven. Other people come to fanfic looking for WAFF. Futhermore, itís entirely possible to write a well-written WAFF fic. Itís not my style, and itís not what I like, but I canít very well deny a whole genre of fic just because itís not my thing.

Everyone on that list, and I do mean EVERYONE, deserves to be on it for one reason or another. Either because of what their fic has done for the fandom and its impact on the state of the fandom as a whole or because they did something original that no one else had done before (and in most cases, should never be attempted again) OR because they demonstrated deep knowledge of a character or situation and looked at it in a light that few ever truly attempt.

Where is the porn at?

The porn is located at I claim no responsibility if you go there and you are under the age of 18.

I think that my fics deserve to be on the "Does Not Suck" list. Do you accept bribes?

No. I don't. But if you want to try, Iím willing to humor you.

Seriously, no. I donít play favorites. There are several people whose fics I canít add, no matter how good I think they may be, because, wellÖ either Iím friends with the author, or was in some way involved with the fic. I try to be as unbiased as I can. Erego, no bribes, either.

Iíve gone through your site and I think that my fics may suck.

Congratulations! As any participant in a twelve-step program knows, the first step towards any recovery is realizing that you have a problem! Now that you have recognized that you are an author of sucky fic, you can do everything in your power to make your fics suck less. Eventually, they wonít suck at all!