Be Young. Have Fun. Plagiarize This Piece of Shit


"What are you doing?" Serena asked

She stared at Darien. He was musing about the history of the park even as he began to unbutton his shirt. He couldn't be serious. No, it was impossible. It was the middle of the day.

On the other hand, he had entered her bedchambers, had ripped open her nightgown, had touched her and kissed her and made her scream with pleasure. Oh dear, she had to do something.

"No, damn you!" Serena picked up her skirt and bounced away from him.

"Not again," Darien sighed.


“How could I ever love you, Darien Chiba?! You are a conniving snake!”

“I thought I politely asked you to shut up!”

“As if I’d listen to you...Hey, what...”

Darien took a final step, resting a hand on either side of her head, his face dangerously close to hers, his body pressing her up against the wall. “You’re mine Serena...and I’ll shut you up anyway I must...”

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Determine which of these examples of complete drek is taken from a bad romance novel, and which was born of Wreaker of Havoc’s own twisted imagination. This website will self-destr...*BOOM*

Damn. Have to work on that timer.

In the event that any of you have managed to survive that minor internet explosion, I salute you. Welcome to the official PLAGIARISM RANTTM! In all honesty, I was NOT planning on writing this sucker at this moment in time, but after quite a couple of acts of plagiarism were noticed within a two-week time period and this seemed to be on everyone’s minds, I figured, what the heck, why not?

Besides, it was either this or “How to Write A Happy Hentai” and after putting it to a vote, the plagiarism article won 8-2. I need ecchier friends. (As I always say, the world would be a much better place if we only had more porn. Remember that. But I digress.)

Plagiarism as defined by my handy electronic dictionary: use words or ideas of another as if it were your own.

Plagiarism as defined by ME: the use of words or ideas of another as if it were your own because you feel the need for instant self-gratification and you have low self-esteem, causing you to believe that you couldn’t write decently if your life depended on it so you end up taking it from someone else just because you can.

I like my definition better. Don’t you? Good.

However, with this recent string of plagiarism accusations, I’ve come to a rather startling discovery.

Plagiarists have no taste in novels, whatsoever.

I mean, really! Dark Apollo? River of Dreams? WTF?

If you’re going to rip off a novel, don’t rip off a bad romance novel with Fabio on the cover that one would buy at an airport! Rip off something good!

Why is it that no one ever plagiarizes, oh, say, John Irving? Couldn’t you just picture a Sailor Moon rip off of A Prayer for Owen Meany? Motoki could be John and we could have a great little SD Mamoru being Owen and Usagi could be “Hester the Molester” and there would be all of this great imagery of people having their arms cut off and dying in incredibly absurd manners....

Or, perhaps, one could steal Irvine Welsh’s “Trainspotting.” Mamoru becomes Mark Renton and Motoki could be... oh... I dunno... Sickboy and that would make Usagi portray Diana by default. The whole fic would be a GREAT Moonie-ized fic all about drug addiction, dead babies, and the worst toilet in Scotland.

And, oh yeah, it would be completely not yours. But that’s ok... because someone won’t recognize that the work isn’t yours, I’m sure, and you’d still get that instant gratification... for a while at any rate. But, hey, nothing in life is permanent, anyways, with the exception of death and taxes, so it’s all good, baby!

While we’re at it, why don’t you just type the sucker up on your own. At least then you can claim that you put SOME work into it. Most people just tend to scan the pages and replace the names.

Dammit, it you’re going to plagiarize, then don’t be a half-assed plagiarist! If you’re a lying, cheating, piece of scum, you can at least demonstrate a good taste in novels and show some work ethic!

Which is why the plagiarized version of Marion Zimmer Bradley’s The Mists of Avalon will always hold a special place in my heart.

And as for the plagiarized passage above, if you guessed passage number 2... well, you’re wrong. If you picked passage number 1, well, then, you win a cookie. I think it’s chocolate chip, but it’s a few weeks old and I’m not sure, anymore. The passage specifically came from a novel called Night Fire by Catherine Coultier—a cheesy romance novel to the very end. Though I’ll be damned if I know whether or not Fabio is on the cover.


Special thanks goes to Wreaker of Havoc for help with the intro.