Lady Aishiteru's Guide to Sending Hatemail

1.) Make sure the recipient does not possess a fire extinguisher. Otherwise, all of your witticisms and efforts will be in vain.

2.) Be creative with your insults. Say "son of a," using two animals that cannot, and should not (and if they ever did, God help us all!) ever mate. Then tell them to do something nobody in their right mind would want to do. Try something like this; "You son of a camel and a gnat. You are not fit to lick my boots. Suck a lemon, you [insert clever expletive] !"

3.) But remember that you LOATHE this person. Work up a gooooood hatred. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...ah crap. I'm too well adjusted. YOU do it!

4.) NEVER leave your correct email address or name. Then they can *gasp* respond! And you don't WANT that....

5.) Insult them in another language. Heck, just make up your own. Use gibberish, even.

6.) Run the flame through a grammar and spelling checker. You don't want to look like some loser who has nothing better to do than rip on someone for no reason, do you?

7.) Try cleverly signing off. Use something like "Flamingly Yours," or "Too Hot to Handle"

6.) Heck, why even bother typing a flame yourself? Here are some creative flames you may use. To the best of my knowledge, the grammar and spelling are correct.

Flame A:
Dear *insert clever expletive*,
You spawn of a frog and a monkey! You are the lowest form of life on this planet. You make me SICK! In fact, I think I shall be sick right now...*vomit* You have the intellect of a brick, the charisma of a leper, and the animal magnetism of a dead skunk.

Flame B:
You make me laugh! Ha ha ha! Your *insert object of your inane insult* is a waste of pixels. Go back to shoveling road kill! I shall now curse at you in another language: ~*~Odango atama! Doujishite chibi neko kami? Baka atama nani minna!

Flame C:
Your intellect is laudable and your writing/drawing/web designing skills are worse. You have the brainpower of a housefly and smell like a landfill. I wish you many spiders and bad hair days.

Lady A - There, you feel better? Flamers are nothing to fear. And keep in mind that these tips should not be taken seriously! So don't flame people! It is a sign of a seriously lacking intellect. Ja!

~*~This actually IS in another language; Japanese. Rough translation - Meatball head! Are you okay little cat god? Stupid head what everyone! Might as well be gibberish.

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