The Fic Bitch's Guide to Sending Hatemail

People, you disappoint me.

It has been brought to my attention that there has been a lot of talk about me in some of the more overly-sensitive circles. You are hurt by my page. Boo Hoo! Go cry to Mommy or someone who gives a damn.

However, I am incredibly distraught that instead of bringing your concerns to me, you insist upon talking about me behind my back. While I appreciate the publicity wholeheartedly, I am left to make the unfortunate conclusion that none of you know how to send hatemail!

Tsk. Tsk. Must I teach you people EVERYTHING?

Rule #1: Turn off your spell check. The more you misspell, the angrier you appear. And you DO want to show me just how angry you are by my page, do you not? Yes, you do. It causes you to get your point across so much better than a well thought out and reasonable argument.

Rule #2: Swear. A lot. Not only does it again reflect on your obvious and intense anger, the usage of mature words such as “fuck,” “hell,” and “damn” shows that you are obviously a very mature human being.

Rule #3: Always remember to have your caps lock turned on. It is the virtual equivalent of screaming, you know. Embrace your anger. Alternately, u c4n 4lw4y5 writ3 1n l33t.

Rule #4: Threaten me. The following are prime examples of threats:

1) I will kill you/your family/your pet.
2) I will beat you/hack your page/make you dirty.
3) I will destroy your life/your homework/your favorite shirt.

Rule #5: Send one of those virtual voodoo doll thingies. They’re cute! And since they’re anonymous, not only will I NOT know who is sending me the messages, but then YOU can send multiple ones! Won’t that be fun?

Rule #6: Use multiple hotmail accounts. Then, no matter how often I may attempt to block you, you can continue to harass me until you’re blue in the face.

Rule #7: Do NOT use your parents’ email account. While I may appreciate the effort, your parents probably will not.

I hope this helps.

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