One Too Many Crosses To Bear.
Or Crossover Doom and the Fandoms that Love Them

Peanut Butter and Jelly. Peanut Butter and chocolate. Cheesey bread. Hammer and nails.

The world is full of good things that when you combine them, go well together. On that note, not all good things work.

I like oreos. I like cheese. I do not like having cheese on my oreos. Or in my oreos. Or eaten immediately after my oreos. Itís yucky.

So, I can understand why people, as they develop new interests in new fandoms would try to combine them into a giant gobbledy-gook of smooshy fandom joy.

You like your Dragonbarf - Iíll be damned if I know why - and you like your Sailor Moon. Wouldnít it just be grand if they could all meet up and then Ami can date Gohan while Usagi uses the crystal and overpowers our favorite Saiyans? OH, JOY!!!! 11one1one!

Believe it or not, people, your fandoms most likely do not exist in the same universe. Furthermore, no matter how hard you try, I can pretty much guarantee that you wonít be able to make them fit, either. Square pegs in round holes, my friends. I understand that this is a difficult concept to believe. If you go into the miscellaneous section of, there are THREE separate categories devoted to Sailor Moon Crossovers! Two of those categories are crossover specific to DragonBarf/Sailor Moon and Gundam Wing/Sailor Moon containing over 1100 and 2600 individual fics respectively. (The last I find rather amusing as there are approximately fifty-eight different species of Gundam, yet only Wing gets the special treatment from the fen. I think that Iíll have to blame Toonami for that one.)

As for generic crossovers, Iím sorry, but you will never EVER be able to convince me that any of the senshi are in attendance at Hogwartís School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, or that any of the senshi are related to Inuyasha.

Inuyasha is a dog, people. A. Dog. He is not Chibiusaís twin! Do YOU want to be the one responsible for insinuating that Serenity is a furry fetishist and in a drunken stupor ended up accidentally getting beastial with her bad self when she mistook a dog for her husband? I think not! So donít try it!

Furthermore, everyone has to try to cross certain fandoms over with everything. Star Trek crossovers are amusing the first time around Ė thereís just something insanely amusing about a Serena of Borg Ė but thatís it. Star Wars? Hello, Sailor Endor! Yeah, you REALLY fit in with the Jedi Order, donít you? Who all is intimidated by a giant teddy bear that is also a sailor-suited soldier of love and justice? ďYub Yub! In the name of Yub, Iíll yub you!Ē

There are, of course, two notable exceptions to this rule. I have no idea why this is, but The Highlander series and Neil Gaimanís The Sandman can be crossed over with anything and they will work. Itís like they exist in a strange, all-encompassing dimensional pocket that allows them to be copied and morphed into all potential continuities.

I truly believe that if you look deeply enough into the heart of The Sandman comics, you will discover the secrets of quantum physics and the multiverse shall be yours!

The job of the writer is to convince the reader of their premise. Iím open to anything, if it makes sense. However, ďSerena gets sent to another dimensionĒ has been done to death and while some continuities can conceivable exist in the same universe without too much trouble, reconciling a universe where dinosaurs still exist with the world of Sailor Moon is fairly hard to do. Either find a way to make the two series fit together, or donít touch it. For the love of God and all that is holy, PLEASE donít touch it. Too much thinking about such things causes the readersí collective brains to explode. As the author, itís your job to keep that from happening. Failing that, itís your job to clean up your mess of exploded brain. If youíve never seen a brain before, itís a pinkish-gray sort of mushy goo.

It also stains your clothes, is sticky, and tends to smell bad.

Sailor Buffy says: ďCleaning up after exploded brain is not a job you want. Keep that in mind, next time you try to cross two things that just donít mix! In the name of the moon, Iíll dust you! SLAYER SPARKLY PENETRATION!Ē

Fanart courtesy of Mandalin at Edge of Night.