The constantly expanding list of...
And why is it continuously expanding?
For as long as there is fanfic, there shall always be the bad ones. And it is my duty to catch them.
Well, that and the minor fact that after constant computer trouble, I lost a few fics I was saving up for here. If anyone knows where to find a horrible Minako/Artemis fic, please send the url my way.
The Adventures of the Sail murfs
Where do I begin?
As for Sailor Moon Smurf, well.... although very kawaii as a meatball headed smurf, she was less than thrilled at being smaller than a mouse and having a puffy blue tail on her rear end.
The sailor smurfs quickly turn their attention to the (much huger appearing) Nega-Transformer as he laughs at the sailor smurfs as he says "Smurfous me, what have I smurfed? Oh, I don't even need my special powers, all I've got to do now is step on you, and once I do, breakfast shall be served. Today's special: Smurf Pancakes. Hahahahahahaha!"
Sailor Jupiter Smurf is now really angry, and as small as she now is, tries to attack her enemy. "Jupiter Thunder Cloud Smurf" as her attack, which has shrunk accordingly with herself successfully obliterates a nearby blade of grass.
Is it just me or is this whole concept not only BAD but ridiculously amusing?
For All Eternity
By Star Angel
First of all, you know a fic is in trouble when instead of being given a plot summary, you're given a "resume." Oy.
"For All Eternity" is the story of soda. Really. Everyone is drinking "Koo-Koo Kola" except for Serena and Darien. Unfortunately, this soda makes everyone really aggressive and eventually, everyone turns to stone except for the two of them. Being the last two people on the planet allows them to get to know each other so they fall in love.
We later discover that this is, in fact, an evil plot by famous (and fake) American actor Robbie Atkins – who just so happens to be the son of Mother Earth!
WOWEE! Serena and Darien are eventually turned to stone when the power of their love set the world free!
But then, Atkins returns and is set to exact revenge on the Senshi that have foiled his plans! Unfortunately, this time his mother interferes. Poor baby.
This fic wouldn't be nearly so bad if the second half of the fic had anything to do with the first.
Oh, and it would also help if it weren't totally stupid.
Got There Too Late
This fic is the ultimate example of author ego - or perhaps, lack thereof. I present to you an excerpt:
Subj: You're biggest fan
Date: 12/28/1999 6:22:45 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Hey, DP. It's me, Sailor Venus, also known as Mina Aino. As you may or may
not know, I'm your biggest fan. I've read all of your fanfics, and visited your
website for your CWF. It's the dope, man. Yeah, I know, a little OOC to say
that, but hey, I'm talking to THE man. THE author, the only one that matters.
Anyways, fuck it, what's been going on in your world, man. I'm sorry about
those problems with that Scot character. Yeah, I know, he's a bitchhead, and his
last name SHOULD be "Buttwanger." I think that you should've sued the shit of
the them. they censored you? Fuck, man, you should've got some of your people
and told those fuckers what the fuck for (yeah, OOC again, but who the fuck is
gonna care? Just some critics who don't know who the fuck you really are, like
me). In fact, I would've done more to those pussies instead of folding so early,
but I guess you didn't want that pressure.
I got the early fics that you wrote on the Cartoon Network Message Boards.
Those were so phat, and I really wished that you would've done something to that
Copenhagen character. He was so nasty to them, even to Beryl, and that is
something that you don't hear me saying alot, knowing the fact that I'm a
Soilder, and you write about us in a way that's different than the rest. Fuck
those other authors, man. You're the one I want to be with the most.
There would be nothing like seeing Venus and DP together, like it should
be. I love your fics, I love your way of dealing with shit like that dickhead
Scot, and the critics. They don't know you like I do.
Hit me back, just to chat, man. I'll be waiting for your reply.
Your biggest fan,
AKA Sailor Venus
Point 1: Who is Scot? And why do we, the average reader, actually care?
Point 2 aka A Note to All Fanfic Authors: Writing a songfic to Eminem's "Stan" is NOT a good idea! Especially when you, the author, are receiving homicidal fan letters from a very SICK IN THE HEAD Sailor Senshi! DON'T DO THIS! IT'S A BAD IDEA!
This has been a public service announcement from your friendly, neighborhood Fic Bitch.